Friday, April 29, 2016

Confession time

Confessions of a nobody.

I have recently discovered that I do not seem to care for Russians.  I seem to get very angry at them when they praise Putin and say things are great in their country.  I allegedly start yelling things about Communism, Pussy Riots, Trillionaires, freedom of expression, plane crashes, Anastasia, Faberge eggs, Gay rights, Caviar being the only good thing from Russia, banning vodka, and Rasputin and it all becomes very passionate.  So, until my therapist and I can figure out why I react this way it is best to avoid Russians especially at social events when I have been drinking wine.

My name is Ken Hardy and it has been two weeks since I have had wine and engaged with a Russian.

Also, I confess,  I do not have a therapist. Perhaps I need to get a therapist.

I feel tremendous shame that I like to watch the tv show Survivor and see people starve, fight, struggle, lie, steal, and fall apart while I lay on my couch eating Doritos and cheer on their demise. I am like a modern day fat roman eating grapes while watching people kill each other in the arena.  Why do I do this? Currently I am blaming the media and Doritos.

I seem to be going to bed earlier and earlier and earlier and I cannot stop it. 10:30 is a wild night these days. I want to be cool again but I am too tired.

I think people that are my age look old and I think many people who are younger than me look old too. I am certain they are lying about their age.  I haven't quite figured out what this is all about but it has caused me to stop looking in mirrors and I have begun a vigorous moisturizing regime.

I also seem to have forgotten how old I am. In my defence once we hit the year 2000 the adding and subtracting of my 1900's birth year has become hard and painful. Plus I am not that great at math. I just do not care how old I am. Especially since I am certain everyone else is lying about their age.  So when someone tells me how old they are and asks me how old I am I just tell them how old I am compared to how old I think they look. SO THERE!

By the way does anyone else ever think they might be Truman from the Truman Show?

(If this is true, please one of you, I beg of you, break thru and give me a sign.)

Until then I am playing it cool.

Oh and for those of you who watch Modern Family and know the character Cam..... convincing proof  that possibly some one is watching me. Sometimes I think my partner Jur is in on it.

I started taking a vitamin combo. My sister in LA told me that her pottery community started taking Vitamin B with fish oil to increase brain function and prevent Alzheimers or something. I cannot remember all of why she said I should take it but there are many reasons that it is good for you brain.   When I went to buy the vitamin I was told by the pharmacist to take it in the morning because Vitamin B can give you boosts of extra energy.  Well MY GOD it DID! I was so all over the place. I was nervous, jittery, easily agitated........

(which YES may have also played into the Russian arguement incidents) (yes incidentS, it happened more than once) (but not only was a high on Vitamin B, I was dieting, I was HANGRY.....and Russians are so freaking Russian..... a lot played into the Russian incidentS)

........ Anyway, Vitamin B, apparently,  is like a strong drug.  I went back to the pharmacist  and asked him if perhaps there was a milder  form of vitamin B.  He looked at me as if i were crazy (like I was Truman from the Truman Show, just saying).  He very flatly told me "no".  He then began to ask me about my eating habits and daily routine. We discovered drinking two expresso coffees in the morning with the vitamin combo is not a good idea.  So now all is balanced.  Healthy brain function here I come!

My final confession.  I have not lost that much weight but I have not gained any. So I am still hopeful and still trying. 72 days till my birthday and my goal weight. I may not know how old I will be but I know what I want to weigh!

Good morning, good evening and good night!

1 comment:

  1. So happy you're back, Ken. Lift some weights to burn fat faster. Good luck with the new you.